just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
