Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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