I feel great
I just peed on a car
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So squirting runs in the family.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
