Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
