margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You've changed since you got that strap on
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
