i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
