Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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