i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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