I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize