matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize