i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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