so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
