i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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