It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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