I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
