Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
