I'm jealous of your bromance
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
