i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize