So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
