im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
