i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
there was a trapeze. enough said
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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