i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
