I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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