she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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