I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
