Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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