Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
