You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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