There was a lot of him and a little penis
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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