Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
