we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
