listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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