In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
