I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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