I want to have your abortion
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Last time i carry you out of a forest
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
