I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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