its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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