if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
