K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
