my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
