dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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