me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
