You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize