that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
