It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
