I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
