I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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