people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
