Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
