I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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