Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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