dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
