why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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