she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
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