we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize