no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
