So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
