On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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