i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
