We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
A bitchslap is in order.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
