I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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