wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Holy sore nipples Batman
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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