found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
