you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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