I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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