she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
