I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
