she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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