Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
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