he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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