i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
