I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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