this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
