don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
