it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
