sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Randomize