I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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