I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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