dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize