sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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