So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
