i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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