i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
