YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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