So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
