What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
