Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
When are your genitals available?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
