5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
